Catharsis

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"I only need your love like a wounded beast needs its lair. A place to curl up and lick its wounds."

Melancholy rains in on me,

Nostalgia chills me to the bone,

And I wonder if I lost a place that could have been Home.

But I had to set the record straight,

Lay things out in the open.

Bewildered - it looked to me like you walked away,

Abandoned - I stared into the fog, hoping to catch a glimpse of sanity.

You spoke about Vulnerability,

Like you were the only one who had something to lose.

With beaming eyes, you told me that it was my privilege;

But there was one thing that never occurred to you-

That perhaps you walked through my defences and that the stakes were high for me too.

That this girl with a strong veneer also had things she couldn't forgo.

In that one moment when I let my guard down,

I felt judged and violated by the very person who promised the contrary.

Maybe you didn't think along these lines,

You were just in shock - knew I was paranoid,

Passing a verdict on me never even crossed your mind;

But that doesn't take the hurt away,

It only makes it worse.

Do tell me the point of a camaraderie sans honesty?

When perturbed about "us", who can throw some light on the matter better than the ones involved?

In lieu of providing answers, we swallow our thoughts ensuring our hearts' safety,

We pacify in exchange for loss of harmony and continue to bleed.

And now we both are hurting and fuming,

The friend that we both need is each other,

But that doesn't seem to be in the offing.

Things misconstrued continue to wreak havoc,

 And our imagination seems to have run away with us.

Whilst you wonder if you made a blunder giving me a key to your heart,

I ponder over the "used-to-bes","could haves" and "would-have-beens",

Perhaps we have screwed each other up for the rest of them;

Or maybe it's just me.

Trust seems to be a luxury.

But a tiny fragment of my heart doesn't want to give up on this,

It still believes that we can pull through and face the light.

Strangely,you were the only person I was prepared to let go of,

Perhaps I have the ability,but I choose not to,

I don't want to give up without a fight!

Something good will come of all things yet,

You have been my Teacher and Muse.

This is my Catharsis.

I am going to Breathe,Trust,Let go-

And consecrate Everything into the hands of Time.